Grateful for even the mean people. . . .

Today I have to go to an arbitration and defend myself against a client who is unfairly demanding a refund from me of legal fees paid to me. Her claim is for $44,000.00 on a case that she only paid me $2,000.00. How is that a refund? I dunno. But today practicing my program I have spent far too much time being angry at her unfairness and not enough time looking at what was my part in it. Okay I have to admit that I admired this client for a number of reasons. Instead of keeping her a client I tried to make her my friend. And when the friendship suffered the legal work suffered. This woman is incapable of friendship and she is lonely. I allowed my own ego to be stroked at her over-dependence upon me for friendship. So whatever the outcome, I am praying for her relief and happiness. I am praying for acceptance today of God's ultimate decision and that I should trust in his infinite wisdom. For these things I am grateful.

7-29-08 JULY 29, 2008 DIAMOND BAR EARTHQUAKE

== PRELIMINARY EARTHQUAKE REPORT ==

Southern California Seismic Network: a cooperative project of
U.S. Geological Survey, Pasadena California
Caltech Seismological Laboratory, Pasadena, California

Version #2: This report supersedes any earlier reports of this event. This is a computer-generated message. This event has not yet been reviewed by a seismologist.

A moderate earthquake occurred at 11:42:15 AM (PDT) on Tuesday, July 29, 2008.
The magnitude 5.8 event occurred 7 km (4 miles) SE of Diamond Bar, CA.
The hypocentral depth is 12 km ( 8 miles).

Magnitude		5.8 - local magnitude (Ml)
Time		Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 11:42:15 AM (PDT) Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 18:42:15 (UTC)
Distance from		Diamond Bar, CA - 7 km (4 miles) SE (131 degrees) Chino, CA - 9 km (6 miles) SW (222 degrees) Yorba Linda, CA - 10 km (6 miles) NE (35 degrees) Riverside, CA - 33 km (20 miles) W (271 degrees)
Coordinates		33 deg. 57.5 min. N (33.959N), 117 deg. 45.1 min. W (117.752W)
Depth		12.3 km (7.6 miles)
Quality		Good
Location Quality Parameters		Nst=144, Nph=144, Dmin=8 km, Rmss=0.42 sec, Erho=0.3 km, Erzz=1.3 km, Gp=18 degrees
Event ID#		ci14383980
Additional Information		map ||

This was the song that helped me reclaim my inner child.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Among the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
As you lie in fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Something I want to say out loud. . . .

I have so much love in my heart today. My sweet ~J has taken me to a level of love I never could have imagined. The depth of my gratitude is immeasurable. She is my Angel. She was the piece of the puzzle that made up for every bad thing that ever happened to me in life and then some. In equal measure to the extent I have ever felt such deep despair, she has brought me to the heights of love and joy. I bless her to my very last breath and for all the breaths I will take again one day.

The love I feel right now for the two that came before Lloyd and Ty. We traveled this life together for a time and the love will always be profound. However very special you both are to me.

Then my mentor Vivian who will live forever. . . not just in my heart to in reality! LOL

Then there are the girlfriends. The ones who have been there for me, the ones who have come and gone. . . and I don't mean lovers. . . I mean my sisters. I couldn't possibly name all of the ones that have blessed me in my life. . . but I'll mention the ones I remember right now. . . Mallari WITH AN I damn you. hahahaha Terri W. who loved me until I could love myself. Valerie B out in Chicago, Dolores, Victoria, Mary and Meredith from Berkeley, Celia F. who will always make me laugh! And all the other ladies at Simi Valley Unity Hall.

Why am I having such a strong feeling I'm going on a trip. I certainly don't want to go on ThAT trip yet. UGH.... but I'm feeling like if I don't write this down, you all won't know how much I loved you and how special you are to me. How you all made this life worth living after all.

I especially want to give a shout out to my Newphew. . . he kept me alive. He is dear to my heart. My little niece who I so wished I could have been closer to. It seemed she got short shrifted in the family just as I had been with the people who raised me. She too is an angel.

To the rest I apologize for all my shortcomings that i couldn't have done more. If I didn't get the chance to make amends I so regret not fixing the things that I could have but was too scared to fix. I pray for the lotto and for your good luck!

And for the perpetrators. I thank you. Your challenges to my faith and the resilience of the human spirit you forced me to love more deeply. I don't need bad things to happen to you because they already have. The things you did to me were signs of a soul sickness you suffered that has condemned you to a life of hell here on earth. I pity you that you will never know the love and joy I have come to know having survived the effects of your soul sickness. And for the ones who stood by and did nothing I pity you as well going to your grave knowing that if you had only spoke up, things might have been different. In any event I forgive you. Its not me you have to get right with, its the God of your understanding that you will ultimately answer to. May he/she/it be merciful.

Okay enough of this stuff. . . If I think of anything else I'll write it but at least it is noted somewhere that I rode the ride. . . and all I can say is. . . WHAT A HELL OF A RUSH! Let's do it again!

This one is also for him. . . .by of course Sarah mclaughlin

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your love pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired, but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much
But cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your love pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh, you gave me life
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your love pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Dont let your love pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
Weep not for the memories.

I'm seeing my blog is becoming a lot

About saying the things that are deep in my heart that I wont say out loud for one stupid thing or another.

You know who you are . . .

I just love sarah mclaughlin. She speaks to me. While I will always love him and care for him, it is clear there is no more coming back this way. . . .

"I knew you wanted to tell me
In your voice there was something wrong
But if you would turn your face away from me
You cannot tell me you're so strong
Just let me ask of you one small thing
As we have shared so many tears
With fervor our dreams we planned a whole life long
Now are scattered on the wind...

CHORUS
In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

Through the years I've grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I've had more than myself to blame
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...

CHORUS

There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They've torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...

CHORUS

Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all...