Something I want to say out loud. . . .

I have so much love in my heart today. My sweet ~J has taken me to a level of love I never could have imagined. The depth of my gratitude is immeasurable. She is my Angel. She was the piece of the puzzle that made up for every bad thing that ever happened to me in life and then some. In equal measure to the extent I have ever felt such deep despair, she has brought me to the heights of love and joy. I bless her to my very last breath and for all the breaths I will take again one day.

The love I feel right now for the two that came before Lloyd and Ty. We traveled this life together for a time and the love will always be profound. However very special you both are to me.

Then my mentor Vivian who will live forever. . . not just in my heart to in reality! LOL

Then there are the girlfriends. The ones who have been there for me, the ones who have come and gone. . . and I don't mean lovers. . . I mean my sisters. I couldn't possibly name all of the ones that have blessed me in my life. . . but I'll mention the ones I remember right now. . . Mallari WITH AN I damn you. hahahaha Terri W. who loved me until I could love myself. Valerie B out in Chicago, Dolores, Victoria, Mary and Meredith from Berkeley, Celia F. who will always make me laugh! And all the other ladies at Simi Valley Unity Hall.

Why am I having such a strong feeling I'm going on a trip. I certainly don't want to go on ThAT trip yet. UGH.... but I'm feeling like if I don't write this down, you all won't know how much I loved you and how special you are to me. How you all made this life worth living after all.

I especially want to give a shout out to my Newphew. . . he kept me alive. He is dear to my heart. My little niece who I so wished I could have been closer to. It seemed she got short shrifted in the family just as I had been with the people who raised me. She too is an angel.

To the rest I apologize for all my shortcomings that i couldn't have done more. If I didn't get the chance to make amends I so regret not fixing the things that I could have but was too scared to fix. I pray for the lotto and for your good luck!

And for the perpetrators. I thank you. Your challenges to my faith and the resilience of the human spirit you forced me to love more deeply. I don't need bad things to happen to you because they already have. The things you did to me were signs of a soul sickness you suffered that has condemned you to a life of hell here on earth. I pity you that you will never know the love and joy I have come to know having survived the effects of your soul sickness. And for the ones who stood by and did nothing I pity you as well going to your grave knowing that if you had only spoke up, things might have been different. In any event I forgive you. Its not me you have to get right with, its the God of your understanding that you will ultimately answer to. May he/she/it be merciful.

Okay enough of this stuff. . . If I think of anything else I'll write it but at least it is noted somewhere that I rode the ride. . . and all I can say is. . . WHAT A HELL OF A RUSH! Let's do it again!